MY TESTIMONY- Revelations 12:11

MY TESTIMONY Revelation 12:11 "They overcame satan by the blood of JESUS and by the word of their testimony and they do not love their lives unto death." Hi. My name is Joshuah David Pugh. You may or may not know me. I have never shared my full testimony. At this time, the Spirit of the LORD has led me to do so. The world wants to destroy HIS remembrance from the face of the earth, but I can never forget how YAWEH loved me, and sent HIS SON YESHUA to save me! When I was born my parents wrote my name as Jonathan Obidia Pugh, but YAWEH made them change it at the last second to Joshuah David Pugh. My dad, a man with many deep issues, refused to even look at me, pick me up or hold me for the first year of my life. In 1985, I was five years old and for the first time in my remembrance I felt pain! My face was shoved down in a pillow and my Dad hurt me for the first time. We were on a visit to his and his gay lover’s house. I remember hearing Casey Cassem on the radio saying “This just in today the song "We Built This City On Rock -n- Roll." This music forever etched in my brain, blast loudly to mask my screams. This torment continued for years until I was right at 15 years old. My dad pierced my ear and raised me up like Shananay off of Martin. For those of you who have never watched Martin, Shananay is a gay drag queen. The Word of God states raise a child in the manner he should go and he shall not part from it. Well, this is the testimony of my redemption. I was right at the last days of 14 years old when I was losing all respect for Him. I always loved him and never wanted to dishonor him. I just wanted the pain and abuse to stop! I prayed for years for God to let it stop and it never did. I cried out for God to save me, but He never once stopped it! So, I began watching WWE wrestling and began training to save myself. I was tired of watching him be gay and living with his gay lover at the end of the hall while my mom slept her life alone at the other end of the hall. In the midst of this same time, my dad converted to a Christian and went crazy. He went around one night with no warning, smashing everything in our rooms like a mad man from a bad trip at a gay club. Then he began force feeding GOD on us and I refused to ever receive any word from the likes of him. Now I was grown up at 15 years old, and watched as he threw his gay lover of 16 years out on the street like he wasn't anything. Shortly after this time, on Mother's Day in 1995, I was sitting outside smoking on the swing. My dad came out and watered my mom's roses. I walked over to him and politely told him that if you water the roses in the direct sunlight that it will kill them. He turned around and punched me as hard as he could in my nose. The impact was so hard it flipped me over a regular size fence. I sat there with my nose pouring blood and saw red! For the first time ever, I made him a vow that if he ever touched me again in any way that I would kill him. He was angered, and it was as if he almost just couldn't wait for the next episode. Not even a week later, he raised his fist and swung at me again, this time I defended myself and fought him like a man. I wrapped my hands around his neck and fought him just short of trying to choke the life out of him. I told him that I had warned him; never again would he hurt me. You see, I was my dad's failure in life and he has never been proud of me. He treated me as a whore and threw me away. Oh, but his first born son from his first wife came looking for him at 16 years old... cars, clothes, football games.. You name it; he got it at no cost to his innocence. I always envied the relationship that my dad established with his first born son that came out of nowhere 16 years later. Everything I ever received from my dad in life, I was abused for. Don't get me wrong, I have always loved my brother and been thankful for him. My anger was not at him directly, but at my dad. My brother took me in years later and I did him wrong, yet he forgave me. To this day, he is a mighty prayer warrior for God himself. There were many wars that continued between my dad and I after this timeframe, which all led to many bouts of hard time and juvenile courts and jail for me. I thought I had struck love for the first time after meeting a girl. I later realized that she was a devil who seduced me out of abstinence and used me for the summer and threw me away the first day of school for someone that she had just met. All my friends called me to inform me and I was torn. I needed to talk to someone. I wanted to die. I hated life. I shook my fist at GOD. My dad arrived in that night from a trip. I was crying when he arrived and I tried to talk to him. I begged and I pleaded for him to listen to me, that I needed him. He told me that he was happy and I was not going to steal his joy and refused to listen or talk to me. I grabbed him and begged, "PLEASE"! He pushed me hard, and angrily, I knocked him to the ground. I heard the sirens coming and knew they were for me. I ran to the bathroom and downed a brand new bottle of Benadryl, rubbing alcohol and acetone. I spoke my last words " This is it, I am about to die" and felt that I could no longer get oxygen in my body. I stumbled down the hall punching every glass out of my broken family pictures. I picked up the shreds of glass and began to eat them. My dad shoved me out the door, not caring what was happening. I stumbled down out the door and rolled down a hill, landing street level. I was fading fast. It was around 4:00 pm. I remember blue skies, green trees and the birds chirping. I thought to myself "this is it, here I go". Just as my last sight was fading, I saw my best friend Joseph H. He picked me up and rushed me to the hospital, but as soon as the doctor's touched me, Joseph said I stood up and fought them all. He said it was not me. My mother said she was on her hands and knees praying Psalm 91 when I came to just long enough to sit up and look her straight in her eyes and say “F**k You Mom! Why didn't you just let me die!!" I passed back out afterwards only to wake up with the devil girl who had broken my heart sitting there with the guy she left me for! I ripped the catheter and IV out, put my clothes on and hit the streets. My dad had just showed up to the hospital prior to this and told me he hoped that I died from my stupidity. In the months after leaving the hospital, I lived in church bells, parking lots among fertilizer, the woods... I walked through gang lands hoping to get shot. I broke into homes to eat. I only ate food and never took anything that did not belong to me. I entered through windows and doors that were left unlocked. I chose the wrong house one day. It just so happened to be my dear mother's boss' house. My mom pleaded for her to drop the charges and she did. The cops released me back to my mom's custody and I went back to their house, even though it would only be a brief stay. By this time it was Thanksgiving, my mom and dad were moving, but my dad said he did not want me moving with them. My mom upset, started walking and I ran to catch up with her who was blocks ahead of me. I told her I would be fine, turned her around and sent her home. An hour later, I watched as they both drove past me on the side of the road. 15 and homeless again, I walked from West Jackson, MS to Florence, MS where they were moving. It took me all night to get there. I showed up at their door the next morning and explained I had nowhere else to go and they ended up allowing me to live in a camper on my dad's property since he did not want me in his house. My dad has just bought a car a week prior to moving. I was driving it around a corner when a mother decided to stop her vehicle in a blind spot going downhill in a curve so that she could whoop her babies in the back seat. I remember in slow motion that I could hit her car and it would kill those kids or I could take out the fence. I wrapped the car around the barb wire fence 3 times. In shock, I drove straight home, not even a mile away with the fence dragging behind me. I never stopped and the woman high tailed it also. This was Thanksgiving time and the entire family was over. My dad demanded that everyone come in and pray and because they did not come in quick enough he ran everyone off! The next morning I went outside to fix the tires and my dad confronted me. He told me that I could not fix the tires on the Sabbath. I said I had to and he snatched the tire tool out of my hand. At this time, my cousin Jason who lived 2 doors down was coming to pay me $1200 he owed me for vinyl siding work that I had been doing with him. Instead of paying me, he took the opportunity to call the cops and lie to them by telling them I hit my dad with the tire tool, which I didn't, this way he wouldn't have to pay me because he knew that Rankin County, MS cops do not play games with things like this. They arrested me again, dragging me out of the camper and placed me back in juvenile custody. I sat in juvenile detention for four months waiting on my court date. I remember for the first time in my 15 years of life, that I got to see cold white snow blanket the ground. Sadly, I never got to touch it, as I watched through the bars of my jail cell. I turned 16 on December 30th, 1996 in juvenile detention, still waiting on a court date. I remember this day clearly. This is the day I became a wild man. I spent every waking moment plotting on how to kill my dad when I got out. I didn't belong in jail, my dad did! I was angry and felt my life never had a chance at normalcy bc of the abuse. Here I went all these years trying to protect my dad from jail time even after all the hurt and abuse, yet here I stood in a small jail cell while he lived on freely. I sat in jail and I whaled and whaled. People started calling me the ghost of Pugh. The other inmates never saw me as I sat naked in my padded cell with no mattress, they only heard me yell continuously. I yelled to the world every waking moment that my dad was guilty, not me, yet no one listened. One night Officer Lee was fed up and he brought me out naked in front of everyone, while he and another officer ascended me up on a ladder on a cage. Each wrist had a handcuff on it, and the other end of each cuff was shackled to this cage. They kicked the ladder out from under me and crucified me all night until the circulation was gone from my arms. I stopped screaming and passed out from pain. I woke up in what they called "The Cadillac" with a heavy military helmet on my head. My knees were in my chest, my legs and feet were hog tied through holes in the chair. I was still butt naked, left in this chair to pee and poo on myself for 3 days. They placed my tray of food in front of my face, but I could not reach it from being tied up in this position. These chairs are really called "the devil's chair" when you purchase them. I was in a secret room with heat lamps shining brightly down on me. They broke me! I wanted to die. After being released out of the chair, I was thrown in isolation. They wouldn't allow me to have visitations or any lawyers. They wouldn't allow me to shave. I spent my days snatching out my chest hairs. I waited 4 long months for my court date. I remember having a beard like ZZ Top on court day. In court that day for my sentencing, my parents showed up and the judge told them they had two options: to send me for counseling/rehab or put me in juvenile boot camp at Oakley Training Center for six months. My dad said send him to Oakley, no questions asked. I cursed the judge and my sentence was immediately jumped to a year. I was yelling to the world that my dad was a monster yet no one listened because I was the troubled little Pugh boy with a history of offenses as they saw it, yet they were blind to the fact that I was an innocent child robbed of his childhood and was abused all of his life. They couldn't see that I was not violent, but just trying to defend myself from any further pain being inflicted upon me. The physical abuse started the second I told my dad that he could not hurt me anymore as I slept and would defend myself if he tried. Yet, in the eyes of the world I was the monster. I yelled out in the court that day that I was innocent and that my dad deserved to be in jail, not me. I begged for my mom to tell the judge but she just looked the other way and I was brought out of the court. I was so torn and even more broken, yet away to boot camp I went for over a year and half total. The positive part of my testimony is at least going to boot camp I was able to get some fresh air. Everyone at Oaklely told me that I did not belong there. They asked over and over, what did I do? I always answered that I was cursed from birth. Months had passed after unnecessary force, and each day I had sat there still plotting on getting out and becoming a murderer. I was going to kill my dad the second I was free. Now, I had finally arrived on how I would kill him. I was going to cuff him to a fence and torch him so that I could watch him suffer. This same day, God spoke to me. GOD spoke after I accused Him of never hearing my cries and pleading that if He was real, how could He allow such things to happen to one of His children? I was passing a Bible and said “Jesus is the answer to what?" I heard the audible voice of GOD tell me “EVERYTHING." He told me to pick up the book. I looked around to see if anyone else was hearing HIM, and they weren't. I said “Where in the hell would I even start in this big book"? Then I heard HIM in a very authoritive voice answer me, “IN THE BEGINNING". I opened the book and it said in big, bold, black letters “IN THE BEGINNING". It did not say Genesis, but "IN THE BEGINNING". I began reading the Bible that day. The more I read, the more I wanted to read. This very book, the one that was concealed to my eyes in the past, had become alive right before my eyes. The more I read, the more I wanted to share with others. I wanted to share how things went wrong at the fall of man and that GOD wanted to restore all in all. God began to tell me that HE had heard every prayer that I prayed, but that just like me, HE had gave hitler's and dad's and even angels free wills. He told me that HE sent my dad an angel once to let him know that HE was watching him, but he ceased the abuse for only a short time. God gave me a new heart, a new mind, and HIS WILL, just as HE said He would. I was the only excited person in bootcamp. I sang praises in my heart to GOD with every push up, and every mile ran, while the instructors tried to break my smile and couldn't. The chaplain even allowed me the floor to minister! I witnessed to our military trainers until one day a test came. A group of four boys had stolen the snacks for the evening everyone's mail privileges, visiting privileges, and free time were removed. They worked us out extra hard and no one would budge and tell who had taken the snacks. Finally, one night a lady instructor who I had been witnessing to said enough was enough. She said she knew who would tell her the truth, Joshuah would! She called me out on the spot in front of all the others, both inmates and guards. She demanded I tell her who took the snacks, knowing that I was a saved man now and would not lie to her. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and asked her did she realize what she had just done to me? I told the truth as to who had taken the snacks. That truth almost cost me my life. That night I was beaten by six boys with soap in socks while I was in the shower. All of my accusers falsely accused me of saying racial slurs, which I had not. The lady instructor who asked for my confession turned me into maximum security. She said I was the instigator. I was sent to a place called Iron Wood at Oakley Training Center. You never got rest here day or night as they work you out 24 hours a day until your court hearing for the cause or charge. Even then, I refused to stop smiling or allow them to break me as I knew God would come to me. The night before my court date, I was singing Holy, Holy, Holy to the Lord God Almighty, worthy is the Lamb who is slain, and when I stopped I asked a prayer “Lord what did You do to me"? In my cell that night, which was completely dark, darkness ran and hid. Jesus walked out of the light shining forth like a golden sun with the softest loving voice I had ever heard. He stretched out His hands and I saw His scars and He told me to “Take My hands My son”. When I did I felt Him walk inside of me and I felt chains fall from me and then I praised Him all night long. He healed me of EVERY hurt .. of everything. All of my accusers laughed when they saw me on my court date. On my court date, after the judge sent me out of the room, he consulted in his chambers with 12 others. When they called me back in he said “Mr. Pugh, I am adding another year to your sentence.” I returned to my cell crushed like a soldier wounded in battle. As I wept, I asked “Lord, I thought you set the captives free?” That night, criminals flooded in from all around taking up more space than what the prison had. During this same time, the same judge that had hit the mallet sentencing me to more time, came to me himself and said “You are free to go. Your parents are on the way.” That night when I made it to my camper I had a PRAISEATHON. In the middle of it I was singing “Take me into Your Holy of Holy's, take me in by the blood of the Lamb. Lord, I want to be where You are.” I had my hands lifted high, all glory be to God, with my eyes closed, I said, “Lord, You said that when one sinner turns and repents from his evil deeds that all of heaven rejoices.” By the time I opened my eyes, I saw the heavens open and multitudes of angels praising God with me. I can prove that God is real by many infallible proofs and that Jesus lives and still saves today from the wrath and judgment to come. JESUS CHRIST, GOD’S SON FOREVER.. THE ANNOINTED ONE. I testify that GOD SAVES! He saved me from myself, from becoming a murderer. He healed me from all my offenses. Sadly, my dad only remained changed only for a brief period of time. He went back to his old ways, this time with new victims. By this time, I have moved on with my life, settled down and had a family of my own. One night while my mother was lying in a hospital bed, his latest victim called and confided in me, begging for help. I picked up the victim, an innocent young child. I listened to his story, which was all too familiar to mine. Nothing like this could be made up. Refusing to allow any other child to be hurt by my dad, we pressed charges on him. He was arrested the next morning as he got off of work from his night job in 2005 and plead innocent to all charges in relation to his newest victim. However, he boldly walked into the district attorney’s office and gloated about all the abuse and harmful things he did do to me throughout my childhood. Fortunately, in the state of Mississippi, there is no statue of limitations for the timeframe in which the abuse occurred. He did not know this when he gloating and providing them a written and verbal statement to all the torture he put me through. The state of Mississippi charged him with Gratification of Lust and Sexual Battery. My dad remained jailed from 2005 until he went to court in 2007 for sentencing. He arrived cocky, refusing to apologize for any of his wrong doings. The district attorney requested that I write a letter since I did not want to speak. Below is that letter: January 7, 2007 Dear Judge Richardson, This is a hard letter to write. I guess it is because the offender is my dad and the victim’s grand dad. I love him, and have no ill will against him. My nephew still loves him as well as all other grandchildren. I think my dad has a sickness just like all sex offenders, and I hope he gets help. If rehab is an option or some state hospital, I would pick that for him. I have no pleasure in the suffering and painful days ahead of my dad. I believe that God gave him 25 years of mercy and grace and is finished with the long suffering and will not allow anymore harm to come to children. Your honor, my dad deserves whatever punishment he gets, he deserves it, but I am just asking for Mercy. Yours Truly, Joshuah David Pugh The district attorney was asking for life in prison, my dad’s attorney asked for fairness. The judge considered all the evidence and history and sentenced my dad to 35 years for the Sexual Battery I endured as a child and 15 years for the gratification of lust that was committed on his newest child victim. That is 50 years total. Being that he was 49 years old at the time of sentencing, this is essentially a life sentence that is to be served consecutive, not concurrent. In 2010, God put this song in my heart for all the other sexually abused children in the world: “GOD MADE” What is good in this life? My kids. My wife? These are the good things. These definitely are the good things! Besides them this life is tuff! Whoever knew it could be this rough! Who’ll throw in the towel, who will say enough? They say it takes two to make it. In this life I’ve found it take one to mess it up and one to break it. What this world loves, what it values, led me to curse, led me to drinking. Deep in my gutter I began thinking… Every time I’ve seen hope it’s been shot down… Every time I’ve obtained love… misery crept around… My accomplishments no matter how great or small, were only set up for my hardest fall. All of this sucks! What’s worse? I am! The biggest enemy of them all! Locked away in this brain are the thoughts that help me cope, the thoughts that keep me sane.. you know they make my ship sale, they make my boat float... Helped me maintain… It’s thoughts upon the things that God made….. (chorus) God made me and God made you. God made the oceans, the skies so blue, the trees, the mountains, the valley’s too. But in His likeness He made you! The things that God Made… The things that God made… The things that God made!! The voice of a messenger, so soft his call. I have found holds the greatest message of all. With a sigh, he had said “ My man, how we are dying. One day at a time, one breath taken, a breath lost. You never know how many breaths there are until you meet the Boss.” Do you know the price that this life cost? What God paid to save His lost. Are you forgiven? Are you insured? Please tell me somewhere along the way you have heard God’s word!! If you endured til the end then you can rest assured that there is no sickness, there is no dying, there is no stealing, there is no lying. God has dried up all your tears and all your sorrows. No more weeping or crying. No more violence. It’s time to break the silence. Have you heard God’s word? I know in this life we check in and we check out. Just let me say before my time expires and without a doubt.. Jesus will wake me and take me higher. The best things in this life are God made! (chorus) God made me and God made you. God made the oceans, the skies so blue, the trees, the mountains, the valley’s too. But in His likeness He made you! The things that God Made… The things that God made… The things that God made!! Suffer not the little children that come unto Me….provoke not your children to wrath….Feed MY sheep!! If you know anyone that doesn’t believe in God, I testify that YAHWEH is REAL. His son YESHUA lives in me. His Spirit guides and comforts me daily. If this will help you or anyone you know, share until the whole world hears! I AM IS REAL! http://www.mdoc.state.ms.us/InmateDetails.asp?PassedId=126274 (My dad’s inmate page) http://progressive.org/mag_cusacchair (This is the chair I was strapped in while in jail.) www.comeJesus30@yahoo.com godwithus.blogspot.com